Take THE WALK.

I have no idea who, if anyone, sees what I write on these blogs but this is worthy of writing if only one other person reads it. One person can spread a message an infinite distance, and all it takes is a few words. That's what THE WALK is all about.

We all remember Hanson, we all remember MMMBop. Well, if you haven't been listening since then, you should listen now. Not only has their music evolved into something truly soul-touching but they themselves have grown up into amazing individuals who realize the difference they can make.

At every show they ask anyone willing, to walk ONE MILE barefoot. It's all about taking something as simple as a pair of shoes, something most of us probably take for granted as we run out our doors in the morning, and going without them for just a couple minutes. While you walk you have to imagine people in Africa; mothers, fathers, children, anyone who has to walk around everyday without a pair of shoes.

A pair of shoes has never meant so much.

Hanson requires one thing of the Walks; that each individual register and check off one of five causes; the explanation on the card saying simply; Which of these resonates with you the most?
-->Clean Drinking water
-->Education
-->Donate Shoes
-->Provide Healthcare
-->AIDS and HIV care

For every person that walks Hanson donates a dollar to the cause that individual checked off on their card. Over 34,000 miles have been walked for this cause!


I walked for the first time yesterday and I cannot believe the impact that it had on me. Dozens of people showed up to walk together barefoot and as Zac Hanson said when we stopped after a half mile, "It's about the steps you take. You can look around and see...there's no one watching us, no one filming us...it's about taking action. Lots of small steps have the ability to compile into one big message." By giving up a little bit of time and taking off our shoes, we were all acknowledging something much bigger than any one of our individual selves. These are the kinds of actions that need to be done. Nothing can be done until people are willing to look further than their doorsteps. Just because it's not in your face when you open your door, and just because it's not happening to you, doesn't make it any less horrific.

So take a little bit of time and look beyond your blue skies and green lawns...Take the WALK...head out to a show or organize your own! Buy a pair of TOMS shoes...anything you can do, any action you take is one small step and it WILL make a difference.

http://www.takethewalk.net/site/takethewalk/section/name/home

New Beginnings.

Just finished my first homework assignment of the new semester! Philosophy and the Human Being...definitely not the science pre-labs I'm used to...not that I'm complaining, it took far less time than what I'm used to. I feel oddly optimistic about this semester, which is nice. Enough about my mundane school-life, I just wanted to write about optimism.
All last year, I did nothing but stress. Stress about my homework and my grades, my complete lack of a social life, the constant time crunch, the anxiety of being kept in the same place(which makes me a little crazy), combined with not having any idea what I want to do with my life after I graduate college. I was worn out after just a few weeks, caught pneumonia, missed class which created more stress. I was tired and almost always upset. I was NOT myself.
Somewhere along the way I lost track of the happy-go-lucky youngster who kept faith in herself and faith in the world that things would be okay.
O.K. now enough about my mundane school-life.
What everyone should do is keep themselves thrilled. Find something everyday that makes you wonder, something beyond your physical self. I had a dream where someone told me that I looked at the moon like I wanted to hold it in my hands to make sure it would not break. I feel like that is how I should keep my optimism, somewhere I can always see it.
The world isn't black and white but I think that's a good thing. Isn't gray far less intimidating anyways?

My Inspiration.

This blog is completely inspired by an email that I received yesterday...funny enough...the email was sent by the person who was the very first to inspire me and who has always inspired me more than anyone; My Mom.

Some days, we go along smiling because everything IS ok...even if underneath it all we're feeling more than a little bit alone. Sometimes, an individual is lucky enough to have someone who knows that more often than not there's more than meets the eye. I'm always more sad than happy to return to school, I'm not going to deny it. I miss by best friends from high school who know me better than anyone, my Dad who always knows how to make me laugh, but I think more than anything, I miss my Mom.

Through the past two years I've come to realize that I don't need to be sad. That my friends and I are capable of picking up right where we left off and that my Mom is a constant presence that reassures, encourages, supports, and loves me no matter what; even on the days when she's telling me through the phone that I'm the reason for the gray in her hair. Through it all she has taught me to fight, to hope, and to love because in the very end that's what you take with you.
I still remember being a curious little girl finding a quote that she wrote, "Days like countless autumn leaves go by. Love only is eternal, Love only does not die." It's true and it's all we need.

"Hi Sweetheart...

I miss you already. My thought for the day for you. Ability is what you are capable of. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it. Know that I am always with you in spirit, that my heart will always hear yours, and that I am always on your side.

I love you!!

Mom XOXO"

I wish everyone was as lucky as I know I am.

Quite simply...but never simple...Me.

"The power of thought is far greater than most people ever realize..."


I wrote yesterday that I am who I am. Well, I started thinking...you can say anything you want...there are no rules about words and there are no rules to help you decide if someone is being true to the core or whether they are wearing a mask. That's the hardest part isn't it...having the courage to put all of your faith in someone...praying that every moment you're believing in them is worth it in the end. I never want anyone to question me, ever...because I know how badly it hurts to realize that someone isn't being real and honest. So consider this my proof.

My room is my scrapbook. Scattered pictures, posters, poems, quotes...messy, just like my life...daring you to ask, just like my voice...and full of inspiration, for it is what I seek...The walls and ceiling are covered with pictures and words that describe who I am, what I love, who I love, and what I live for.
An entire wall is dedicated to my friends and family; the ones who have been there from the beginning and who I know with all of my heart will be there until the very end.
I have all of my books. I am a total and complete bookworm. I surround myself with love stories and fairy tales full of adventure, romance, hope, and strong characters whose lives, while never easy, are always worth the pain. I have to believe in fairy tales. I have to believe in love. While we live in a world that is so evidently run by power and money...it is not those things that keep the world alive. The yellow glow of a sunset, the freedom of a mountaintop, the calm of the moonlight are all brought alive in our minds by becoming symbols for warmth and love, trust and faith, and hope and dreams. Open your eyes and look at the world. Cherish every sight, take the time to look for the beauty that is always there, waiting to be brought to life.
I have the posters; "Dream" and "How to be an Artist" hanging to greet me every morning that I wake up, hanging to remind me that no matter what the day has in store for me...I know I will always look forward to my dreams, that I will always have the strength to ask why? and that I will always seek to create and NEVER just accept. We breathe life into the world, we frame beauty in our minds, we seek love in our hearts...but only if we stop and take the time to. It's not a race...it's not about who is going to be the most well-off...it's about who is going to live the MOST.

"Love is where you Find it...Look for it...Everywhere."



Last but certainly never least. This last picture is of my 17 year old rock-star baby brother, Cory. He is so often, not that I could ever tell him this, my motivation to be the best person I can be. I want him to someday be as proud of me as I am of him even now. He's millions of steps closer to his dreams than I am to mine simply because he won't ask what if...and that's because he refuses to fail. He doesn't sit there and ask himself where he's going to end up, or why things happen or don't happen. He lives every second for JUST that second. He has the spirit of the baby brother I've always felt like I needed to protect, but the mind of someone far beyond his 17 years. We could all learn from him, probably myself more than anyone else. I hope that wherever he ends up he knows that I always have and always will stand behind him and that he has inspired me above all else.

So there you are. This is Me.

I Am Perfectly Imperfect because I Am the Perfect Me.

oh hello blogging world. long time, no post. im back. well, for at least today...

"The question you should be asking yourself isn't whether or not you will get a Happily-Ever-After...The question you should be asking yourself is will you be able to live with yourself if you don't allow yourself to have a happy-now...and end up with nothing at all?" [Karen Marie Moning]

It's 4:16 in the morning, I have to wake up at 10:30, and I can't sleep. Surprise Surprise.

And surprise surprise, I'm thinking about happiness. Only this time, I'm thinking about what it means. It took me a long time to realize that I could be happy, that I AM happy...but now I find myself asking if I really know what it means to be happy. People measure happiness by a smile because they can see it...but I don't think that's enough. People can fake a smile. You can't fake what you have written in your eyes. The problem is, most people don't take the time to look or they are simply too terrified of what they might find there. Lies are a buffer, that's why the world is so full of them. It's perfectly logical, what kind of individual, in their right mind, would want to feel pain of any kind?

I can tell you exactly what I have written in my eyes...and I'm realizing that being happy is being unafraid to say it out loud. Being happy is taking who you are; every thought, flaw, dream...and being willing to see every opportunity for its possible worth.


My eyes will tell you exactly who I am if you're willing to look just a little deeper. You'll find a girl who makes sure the world knows she's strong...even when she's hurting, even when she loses sight of the little girl she's always held onto, even when she's afraid.

She's hurting because she wants to see more. She's every bit of the dreamer she was when she was little. Magic and immortality are real, they just don't mean fairies and spells anymore. She's afraid that she'll always be alone because it's all she's ever known.

None of that means that I can't be happy, I'm not afraid to tell the world because I have to believe that as I learn from everything I have been blessed to see and do that things DO change. No one and nothing can stop me from being happy as long as I believe in who I am. I am who I am. I am blessed. I am a dreamer. I am a writer. I am a poet. I am a student. I am a friend. I am a daughter and a sister. I am stubborn, occasionally impatient. I am free and hopeful. I am honest to a fault. Each of us are composed of a unique combination of traits and talents. A beautiful mosaic all our own. Be proud. Be alive. Be happy.

"You are unrepeatable. There is a magic about you that is All you own."

I didn't start saying "Perfectly Imperfect" for nothing. In the grand scheme of things, it's just a fancy way of saying be yourself; honestly...without hesitation...perfectly. Oh, and of course...happily.

Moments in Life.

My mom sent this to me, one of those messages you forward to everyone in your mailbox...the ones that claim that if you don't you'll have bad luck for x number of years(this one doesn't) or some nonsense like that. Normally I delete them, but this one is different. I don't know who wrote it, but it certainly gives you something to think about.

There are moments in life when you miss someone
so much that you just want to pick them from
your dreams and hug them for real!
When the door of happiness closes, another opens;
but often times we look so long at the
closed door that we don't see the one,
which has been opened for us.
Don't go for looks; they can deceive,
Don't go for wealth; even that fades away
Go for someone who makes you smile,
because it takes only a smile to
make a dark day seem bright.
Find the one that makes your heart smile.
Dream what you want to dream;
go where you want to go;
be what you want to be,
because you have only one life
and one chance to do all the things
you want to do.
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet,
enough trials to make you strong,
enough sorrow to keep you human and
enough hope to make you happy.
The happiest of people don't necessarily
have the best of everything;
they just make the most of
everything that comes along their way.
The brightest future will always
be based on a forgotten past;
you can't go forward in life until
you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
when you were born, you were crying
and everyone around you was smiling.
Live your life so at the end,
you're the one who is smiling and everyone
around you is crying.

Change Is Good.

I'm turning this blog into my own little online journal...fantastic. I think that's pretty much what it's supposed to be anyways...hey, maybe I'm catching on, better late then never I guess.

I don't think I appreciate my friends here enough. It's so nice to come home and see everyone everyday. It's funny how when we all left for college I was the only one who didn't want to go. I think everyone else is catching on. I've missed everyone insane amounts. I read a quote the other day that pretty much sums it up...

"Your college friends know who you are...but your high school friends know why."

So true.

In other news...I am convinced that my brother is going to be a rockstar. I hope that when he does he remembers that his sister backed him through it all even when he was telling me to stop listening to my favorite songs just because he hates the bands that I love.

Two of my best friends have birthdays tomorrow...20 and 21...when did this happen?

Finally.

So I haven't really figured anything out exactly...I just came to the realization that I was taking things way too seriously...everything was a big deal, not that I made things a big deal to the rest of the world (some things, yes) but most of it was arguments I had going in my head about where I really want to be when everything is said and done.

The answer is really simple...it always was. I want what everyone wants, to be happy. Just the same as so many other things...that is much easier said than done...especially for me...because I was always reaching for something bigger than I could really reach. People always say you can do anything but I'm getting realistic...I had to admit that even I have my limits, haha. And I think I always knew what I was doing...but I kept getting caught up in the little things...little discussions with my friends that turned into who's been hurt the most and who's had this or that...it was all so stupid because in the end it doesn't matter what we had then because it's gone now. It may have helped turn us into the people we are now, but that's all I need to know about it.

I know it's so cliche sounding to say, "Live every moment like it could be your last," but it's true. Our lives have the potential to change dramatically with every breath that we take...that fast. I'm not wasting any more breaths on being sad because something is missing...I am going to go get it...for the first time I feel like nothing is going to hold me back, and that really is all you need. The only person you need to have faith in you...is you. If you believe in yourself...no one can stand in your way. Let's be honest, it's always that much sweeter when people don't believe in you anyways...

So that's that..I'm done trying to make myself numb to things I think will bum me out...I want to feel everything because feeling keeps us living...I want to take risks, and make mistakes, I want to meet new people so that the all night dance parties get even more crazy, I want to take road trips to everywhere and nowhere, I want to take pictures so that I can show the world what I see because people don't appreciate how beautiful the simple things that we take for granted can be, I want to reach out and be reached out to...I feel like I'm finally in the right state of mind to really live.

Just in time.

Sweet Dreams World. I'll catch you in the morning. Be ready.

YES!

I HAVE FIGURED IT OUT. well, i have come to a very important conclusion. i also have to be somewhere...right now. blog lataa.

Where I Am.

"Sittin' on the corner of nowhere road,
Just between 'I wish I could' and 'I don't know.'

-Thank you Hanson.

I'm A Dreamer.

Sometimes I wish more than anything that I could live in one of my books. Where characters spend more time making sure they're going to get to the next day instead of planning for a future they can't confirm exists, where every moment is truly cherished because it could be their last [I realize people ALWAYS say treat every moment as if it were your last but I can't honestly say I enjoy spending any of my time doing half the things my lifestyle requires me too...like doing homework...yea right to anyone who says that he or she would willingly and even gladly do homework in his or her last moments...YEA RIGHT...I may or may not have over-analyzed just there...hah] , and where love really is a fairly tale for those lucky enough to find it [I'm no longer sure that love even exists in this disaster of a world...I'm looking at the big picture here. Sometimes I think about leaving it all and just building a house in the mountains where I don't have to worry about losing anymore faith in humanity.] Maybe I'm being just a little bit on the melodramatic side...but what can I say? I am, have always been, and will always be a dreamer. Always believing that maybe if I look deep enough, I'll find bits and pieces in this world that will breathe life into the places that I can only seem to reach in my imagination and in my dreams. Maybe that sounds absolutely and insanely...well...insane. Oh well, I've come to be pretty okay with insane.

Of all the thoughts floating around in my head, I finally found one that makes some kind of sense...

I am never not in thinking mode. Yes, it is exhausting. Yes, I run my mind in circles trying to figure out things that probably are not meant to be figured out. Yes, it is raining outside and I don't want to walk the 8 minutes back to my dorm room. I've been meaning to write this down for a while and now seems like just the right time.

I'm torn. I am a human being, I make a lot of mistakes. When things go wrong, I love to say, "Everything happens for a reason." The more I think about it, the more I question it. Maybe it's just 'a feel good, you really can't do anything wrong quote.' 'Cause that's what we're saying...whenever something bad happens, we learn something. That quote however, implies that we have a destiny, a pre-determined fate. I'm not so convinced. We are blessed with the gift of free will. We can decide where we go, what to do, and who we think makes the best company as we go through our short time here. It is impossible for me to believe that our OWN choices, good and bad, lead us to the same place no matter what. I cannot say that some people were simply destined to be depressed...destined to be unable to smile...destined to always be alone, to never know love...destined to lose the one they love...destined to die at a young age...anything, everything. We have the strength to change our lives and the lives of so many others, we just have to find the faith in our individual choices, we just have to create the wind that will let us all spread our cautious wings and fly.

This is what I believe; We live to learn, and we learn to love. From the first moments of our lives we are nurtured by the love of our families. That lasts a lifetime, maybe even more than that. We meet new people, we learn from them. Learn about them, learn about ourselves. And in time, We find ourselves asking how we ever lived without them.

These people that we surround ourselves with make such a big impact on the people we become... so, to the ones who loved me from the beginning, who taught me the significance of love, who let me love them with all I could, who have held me when it hurt , who spend their days smiling with me no matter where we are, and who will love me until the very end...I hope I can make you proud, I hope I have taught you just a fraction of what you've taught me, of what you're all still teaching me, and I hope you will always know how much I love you.

So this is what happens when I should be sleeping but I can't turn my mind off...deal with it.

I still don't have really any idea what to talk about in a blog, I guess I'm just supposed to speak my mind...but there's so much going on in my head I don't even know where to begin. I'm too tired to try to sift through the useless information that's just kind of floating there all the time...things like stress and anxiety that work very hard to dispel any sort of positive attitude I may have built up. I get kind of down a lot. It's hard looking at the constant, if not growing, pile of work but then tell myself that I also have to make time for me. Every moment that I enjoy when I'm not working is tainted by, 'you're probably going to regret this when you have to stay up and finish this or that tomorrow night.' How do you get past that? It's hard to constantly deal with everything that life throws at you while you're running on four hours of sleep a night. There is so much that I feel like I'm missing out on while I'm killing myself in the library for eight hours studying for my next exam...there's so much I want to see and do before I lose too much time. I don't even know if what I'm studying is what I want to do with the rest of my life. As of right now, I'm a biology major...last semester I almost transferred to study photojournalism. Obviously...not so similar majors. I was torn between my fascination with human life and the simple beauty of going out with my camera and capturing precious pictures never to be seen again, along with the simplicity of sitting outside, sitting under the stars and just writing what comes to my restless mind. I am terrible at sitting still, and I feel like college is slowly draining away any sanity that I may have had after escaping sitting in the same classrooms for four years in high school...which, if I had to guess...isn't much. I'm not even sure why I'm writing this...maybe this blog is just going to end up serving as an outlet for all of the battles going on inside my head...read by just the few people who I've told it exists. I hate it when people tell me to go off and do what I want. The truth is, if it were an attainable option, college would be the last place I would chose to be. I simply can't afford it. People look up to these actors and stars who go off and help in Africa, etc. and the world tells us we should do the same. Well, I would love to...truth is, I'm stuck in college trying to find a way to solidify a future for myself, because that's what my high school guidance counselor told me to do. They tell you to go off, that you should do what's best for you, and then maybe you'll be lucky enough to impact the world. What if I just want to go now...because the truth is, all I'm worried about for myself is that at the end of these four years I look back and I don't feel like they were a waste. I want to be happy. I don't care if I'm financially better off than him or her or whoever. All I need is someone to share my dreams with...someone who will look at me in the morning and realize that it's o.k. to just be. That's all I need, and I feel like I'd feel so much better if I felt like the rest of my time was spent doing something that could make someone else happy. So while I'm stuck here, I'm living for my friends, I'm living for my family, I'm living for a hope that someday I'll be able to reach out on a greater scale. Crystal, I know you feel the same way, and I promise you that after we get out of here, we will get our voices out there in some way shape or form...because you only get one life and the one you get is too short to waste a single second on regret. At the end of our time here...we won't leave anything behind to regret.

So what exactly is the point of all of this...I'm not even sure I can tell you...I think I feel like every single person needs to wake up thinking that anything and everything is possible, to live without fear because when you promise yourself you're going to live without any regrets, there's nothing to be afraid of. So laugh without consequence, live with reckless abandon, wish for the stars, and dream, just dream.

Hmmm...well, now that I made one what do I write?

I made this blog because my friend Crystal made a blog and I'm now realizing that I have no idea what someone even writes about in a blog, hah. If I asked anyone that question I would bet money on the fact that the majority of people would respond, 'Whatever you want.' Haha, in fact, I just asked Crystal and she said and I quote, 'Anything, what's on your mind?' I think I get points for calling that one, imaginary points maybe, but points nonetheless. Well, my indecisiveness won't help me with this one. It's a Saturday afternoon, I should be doing my chemistry homework...I don't want to, so I'm not. I'm such a rebel aren't I? haha. Instead of doing my homework, drumroll please [I really wish this was more dramatic], I'm sitting on my bed surrounded by my scrapbooked walls trying to come up with a topic to write about that's not going to bore me to tears while I'm writing about it. I could write about how there's nothing to do in my 2-mile radius hometown or how the world is in a seemingly permanent state of dangerous disorder or how my lack of sleep is slowly driving me to lose what's left of my sanity but all that seems, well, far too predictable. So, I'll tell you what...Let me think about it. I'm saying this only because I have to be somewhere in an hour and am currently nowhere near ready to leave. I should probably add that to my "About Me,' I leave almost everything to the last possible second. The state of chaous created by waiting until the last possible second always keeps me on my toes and tends to make for some pretty funny stories.